Imagine how easy your life would be if your teen listened to you the moment you shout any instruction to them or give them a chore to do? Well, guess what? Yelling doesn’t work that way. If that was the case, you would change any of their annoying or rebellious habits by merely yelling at them.
Parenting can be quite a frustrating job. From toddler tantrums to dealing with your teen who has issues with authority and rules, all of it leads to constant screaming matches.
Why Do Parents Yell?
You might not do it with much when they are really young, but when they learn to talk back and act rebellious, you want to yell at them. Screaming at your kids transforms you into your their emotional equal. When you run out of ways to communicate with your teen, you begin to scream at them thinking that might get the job done.
Yelling doesn’t teach your children problem-solving skills or coping with unfavorable circumstances. They won’t learn the difference or the relationship which exists between accountability and responsibility. Yelling just says that you are louder, and that is why I am going to get what I want.
Sometimes it does work, but not always. But after a while, your child will stop listening to you. No matter what you do, ground them or anything else. Nothing works. You may have to rely on a parental control app for kids to keep their activities in check.
Every teenager goes through a rebel phase. And if your teen is currently acting rebellious, it is not easy to establish authority or talk sense into them. Dealing with a rebellious teen is another story altogether and by no means, an easy job. Once they learn to talk back and yell, you getting loud won’t have any effect on them.
What does child/teen learn from Yelling?
1. To get things done, one needs power
Your child begins to learn, that to get anything done all you need, is power. When they yell, you eventually give in to stop the yelling. Yelling makes your children realize that the best way to get someone to do something is overpowering them.
2. Parents lose their cool too
There is a limit to everything. A parent might not give in to his teen’s demands all the time. But, by pushing the right buttons, they can lose control. When a child learns that, they begin to use yelling as a tool because they know how you lose your cool.
3. They learn to shut you off
With yelling, your child/teen learns to shut you off both emotionally and mentally. They learn when to stop listening when the yelling starts.
5 tips to End the Screaming Matches
If you have had it with the continuous screaming, you need to place such a system in your home that your teen knows that he has to listen to you, no matter what. You are the parent, you set the rules, and it is your teen’s responsibility to listen to you:
1. One-on-One Conversation
Having face-to-face communication is extremely important when you are talking to your teen. Don’t yell from the kitchen or from the foot of the stairs. See that you only talk in a tech-free zone without any phones or gadgets.
Let your teen know that you wish to speak to them. Go to their rooms, or ask them to come down. Begin the conversation with a regular tone and manner. Talk to them about the new plan that from now onwards, this is the way discussions are going to take place in the house. If they avoid having that and are engrossed in their phones, use an effective parental control app for kids. You could remotely turn off their phone or lock it to get their full attention.
Remember, face-to-face does not mean seeing eye-to-eye.
2. Carry a Positive Expression
See that you wear an expression that isn’t angry or frustrated. No matter what you are discussing is a difficult topic. Studies reveal that your child would get 70% of your meaning just from your expressions. Just like adults, teenagers get overwhelmed during heavy discussions. Also, you need to bear this fact in mind that teenagers aren’t fully grownup either. They are in a fix as to how to act. A child or an adult?
They have to do a lot of effort to grasp and get the hang of their emotions as well. So they use yelling as a tool to avoid a decent discussion. So, you have to teach them to cope. You are better at it than them. Tell your teens that it is unacceptable behavior to scream just to get your way or avoiding a heavy-handed discussion.
3. Establish the Right Rules
When a household lacks structure and the right rules, parents resort to yelling at their kids so that they do their homework and the house chores. When there is no structure that each day dawns differently, with no plan ahead except what the parents allow or wants their child to do.
Make a few house rules and post it in a place where everyone can see it. The living room or the kitchen.
This way, there will be no ifs or buts. If the list says 6 p.m. is study time, turn off the electronics and get to homework. That is what the kids have to do. With a proper structure, they won’t argue or challenge every request that you make. They might make faces, roll their eyes, and whine. But the focus is not on you directly but the rules you have set up. Let them know about the addition of a parental control app for kids in your parenting so they know that you would know if they step one toe out of line.
4. Discuss Yelling with Your Teen:
If you want any changes in your teen’s behavior or routine, talk to them ahead of time. When it is a good day, and you haven’t argued so far, let them know that you are not a fan of the constant screaming matches. Tell them that the next time they are disrespectful and yell at you, you are going to walk out and not talk to them for an hour or whatever time limit.
Remember, don’t drag the discussion. Say it simply, and that is that. Just say this and move on with your day. No need to get into a long discussion and get emotional.
5. Walk out of Arguments
Parents, once your child reaches the stage where he argues with you, you should avoid escalating the matter. Walk out as soon as you can. And tell your child that you will not accept this behavior. They should calm down, lower their tone, and find a better way to get their point across. Leave the room after that. The conversation ends and stops the fight right away. When you leave the room, the power leaves with you so, even if your teen continues to have a tantrum, you don’t have to engage with him or stay to witness it.
You have to remember that a household where parents bicker and shout a lot amongst themselves or the children, it becomes normal for the children and acceptable to do so. They learn to yell back and would do so with others as well. Try to give a respectful environment to your children, where yelling should not be an acceptable thing. Once you stop getting into arguments and shouting at each other, they would eventually stop happening.
The earlier you teach your teen a variety of problem-solving and coping skills, the less they would yell or argue.